I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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