If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
