I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
