His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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