woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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