I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize