she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
