Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
please don't ironically join a cult
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