I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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