He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Im part way to drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
