how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
