I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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