mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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