Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
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