this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
When did angry sex become our thing?
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
