If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
