I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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