Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
