He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
