She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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