why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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