Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
