ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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