Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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