sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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