just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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