it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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