TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Randomize