just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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