He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize