I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
