I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
