Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
