): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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