ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
