all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
