my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
