Tell her she can't have a vagina
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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