I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
It's blow job season.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
