just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
