you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
