i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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