apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Randomize
