Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
