Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
