I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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