everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Randomize
