I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Randomize
