Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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