I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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