He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
