I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
