new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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