i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
