he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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