dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
