DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
