At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize