i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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