i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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