Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
