they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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