so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
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