It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
