I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
