So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I have tasted many bathrooms
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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